New Year

I always tell people I don't like New Years Eve

Between you , me and potentially the whole of the internet what I actually mean is that I don't like feeling like you have to be somewhere on New Years Eve in party mode , forced to stay up until midnight and the pressure of feeling like you MUST have fun at midnight while in reality you're just a bit drunk and talking to someone with halitosis yearning for 12 midnight so you can drop the facade and bugger off to bed. Just me ?

As a child at school then one of my favourite things was when you got a new exercise book to write in and that new pristine , fully of potential empty white page feeling is what I like about New Year

Its a mental clean sheet

2010 ( bear with me ... I will get to 2011 , I not that mential that I think its a whole other year) was a really crap year for me as in it was when all the anxiety kicked in and I didn't know what the hell was going on and honestly felt that there was no way forward. I don't mean that in a suicidal way as luckily I've never felt like ending life but if I'm honest life felt like something to get through rather than something to enjoy

2011 in the oddest way has truely been a gift as even though I've been through some really horrible emotions due to the anxiety and panic , then it was the year when I realised that I will be fine and I am a strong woman defined by more than a dress size or material things.

The last few months of 2011 have been a work in progress of me growing stronger and finding myself as a person and finding pleasure in the little things in life which is something I've wanted for a long time but never been quite able to manage before

What I would love to be blessed with with 2012 without sounding too mung bean hippy about it is to continue growing spiritually and to be content with what I have and what I am and use that as a building block to build spiritually rather than always yearning for something unobtainable .

I'll be spending 2012 at a friends house with Mr Kay and my friends daughter who is going travelling this year for two years so it will be a special one ( no pressure lol)

Mr Kay came home after his three days away and told me he loved me in a sleepy type way as he fell asleep. He doesn't say that often as he's not a "sayer" . It made me feel slightly less murderous when his snoring kept me awake until 4am .... ** slightly***

Bring on 2012. For the first time in many years I'm really looking forward to it

I hope 2012 brings all my blogger friends contentment with what they have or a move towards something which brings them contentment

MK xxx