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Friday 31 August 2012

Fake it til you make it

I took some advice from the lovely Kary May today and took some time for myself and also took time to be super nice to Mr Kay and my daughter and you know what , I was smiling through gritted teeth at first but after a little while I felt much brighter. Whould have thunk it

The written off car paperwork is still dragging on but in a rare turn of events then about 10 clients who owed us money since the start of the month all paid at once so we can go and look for a new car next week and let the insurance take its own sweet time so that is definately a result

Thursday 30 August 2012

Grumpy and blahhhhh

Struggled with not thinking the worst today . Confusing emails about whether or not we are entitled to the courtesy car they have already given us . Got a parking ticket within a day of having the hire car - our fault and just general grumpiness from me

On the plus side I got some lovely smelling cocoa butter body cream and get under my diet calories allowance for the first time in probably weeks

Less shouty lady tomorrow I hope 

Wednesday 29 August 2012

What a day

I got to practice my positive thinking today big time
Someone drove into OH and wrote off our car.
He is okay , just bruised . Thats good
The other driver admitted liability at least for the moment . That's good
We got a courtesy car the same day . Good
We had a payment clear today do can look for another car instead of having to wait an eternity for insurance to investigate and pay out . Good

I kept thinking worst case scenario type things but caught myself and didn't say them out loud about fifty percent of the time . Hmmm . Well it's progress not perfection for sure




X

Tuesday 28 August 2012

Resolutions

I have just spent half an hour whizzing around my happiness toolbox and making some resolutions to start with

One of them is that I am going to try and blog every day through September to get me into the blooging swing of things again - even if its just a tenny weeny little entry. Its with the aim that if I am writing daily then I will become more accountable to myself.

The other resolutions so far are fairly mundane but will reap rewards in the long run. Yanno - drink water , walk twice a week , take time to do something for me each day even if its only 5 minutes , show love to my daughter each day. All the run of the mill shizzle that I don't always do

The resolution which I think I am going to find most challenging is two fold . Its to be more positive about situations and to not be the shouty lady
I must admit I am increasingly finding that I am turning into a right grumpy old bag . I've always been a wee bit on the tempestuous side but hand up - I'm just a snappy cowbag a lot of the time and it doesn't feel good. Its mostly frustration from saying the same things time and time again and getting no change in response ( so that would be mainly the other half) and I've sort of given up on getting upset over it and just switched into shit bag mode.

Its not a good way to be so I must endeavor to change that by hook or by crook


Monday 27 August 2012

The Happiness Project

I read a thought provoking book earlier this year called The Happiness Project by an author called Gretchen Rubin and the premis behind the project appealed to me and I kept meaning to have a go at setting some "happiness resolutions" myself but I'm the Queen of all or nothing and I just never quite got around to it.

To give you an idea of what the book was about then I have copied the Amazon blurb below

"Gretchen Rubin had an epiphany. One rainy afternoon on a city bus, she realized that she wasn't as happy as she could be. In danger of wasting her days - always yearning for something more, waiting for problems to miraculously solve themselves - she realized her life wasn't going to change unless she did something about it. On January 1, she embarked on her Happiness Project, and each month she pursued a different set of resolutions: to get more sleep, quit nagging her husband, sing in the morning to her two young daughters, start a blog, imitate a spiritual master, keep a one-sentence journal. She immersed herself in everything from classical philosophy to contemporary psychology to see what worked for her-and what didn't. Illuminating yet entertaining, profound yet compulsively readable, "The Happiness Project" is one of the most thoughtful and prescriptive works on happiness to have emerged from the recent explosion of interest in the subject. Filled with practical advice, sharp insight, charm, and humour, her story will inspire readers to navigate their own paths to happiness."

There is a Happiness Project Toolbox website http://www.happinessprojecttoolbox.com and I finally got around to joining it today

For now then my only resolution is to blog more or less everyday until I get my head around some ideas and plan which direction I would like to take

An Update - end of summer 2012

I had almost forgotten about this blog and stumbled upon it again last week

I have been meaning for the whole week to check in and update and I remember when I was in the depths of the anxiety and panic whirlwind and feeling very very frustrated when I found blogs echoing my feelings at the time and then realising the owner had stopped updating and I never knew the "ending" to the story

I understand now that there probably was no ending to the story and people on the whole most likely just slowly but surely found ways to adapt to their situation which made it less scary and therefore lessened the "fear" surrounding the panic and anxiety and learned to live with the little jitters that still remain

That has been my experience anyway

I have just read my last post in march and things are much the same and thats fine with me.

I still get days where I feel anxious and jittery but my reaction to it is more frustration than fear and once the fear is gone then its manageable and I just get on with it

The anxiety doesn't stop me doing anything now and if a situation makes me feel anxious ( or indeed if I feel anxious and hyperventilatey for no reason) then I just steel myself to carry on and know that it will pass and it isn't half as bad as when I used to make myself rest up

Being tired won't kill me , feeling worried wont kill me , a panic attack or anxiety attack wont kill me
They probably wont make me pass out either which was my weird worry ( and still is sometimes) but the thing is that even if I did pass out ( and I never have) then that wouldn't be the end of the world would it ?


Something is going to kill me someday but who knows when and who knows what and hopefully I have many years ahead of me.

Regardless then however many years I have ( and please let them be many lol) then I want to be sure I've made the most of my life and filled it full of love and joy and experiences that enriched me and that when I do conk out that I'm happy with the life I have lived rather than regretting the life I didn't live through limiting myself


My plan is to start using this blog again reguarly as a "happiness project" blog. I will explain more in another post. I toyed with starting another blog but when I thought about it then this blog is the perfect place to begin a new chapter