I have been meaning for the whole week to check in and update and I remember when I was in the depths of the anxiety and panic whirlwind and feeling very very frustrated when I found blogs echoing my feelings at the time and then realising the owner had stopped updating and I never knew the "ending" to the story
I understand now that there probably was no ending to the story and people on the whole most likely just slowly but surely found ways to adapt to their situation which made it less scary and therefore lessened the "fear" surrounding the panic and anxiety and learned to live with the little jitters that still remain
That has been my experience anyway
I have just read my last post in march and things are much the same and thats fine with me.
I still get days where I feel anxious and jittery but my reaction to it is more frustration than fear and once the fear is gone then its manageable and I just get on with it
The anxiety doesn't stop me doing anything now and if a situation makes me feel anxious ( or indeed if I feel anxious and hyperventilatey for no reason) then I just steel myself to carry on and know that it will pass and it isn't half as bad as when I used to make myself rest up
Being tired won't kill me , feeling worried wont kill me , a panic attack or anxiety attack wont kill me
They probably wont make me pass out either which was my weird worry ( and still is sometimes) but the thing is that even if I did pass out ( and I never have) then that wouldn't be the end of the world would it ?
Something is going to kill me someday but who knows when and who knows what and hopefully I have many years ahead of me.
Regardless then however many years I have ( and please let them be many lol) then I want to be sure I've made the most of my life and filled it full of love and joy and experiences that enriched me and that when I do conk out that I'm happy with the life I have lived rather than regretting the life I didn't live through limiting myself
My plan is to start using this blog again reguarly as a "happiness project" blog. I will explain more in another post. I toyed with starting another blog but when I thought about it then this blog is the perfect place to begin a new chapter
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