A really big part of my anxiety is the mind chatter and I thought I'd share a sample with you
I hope I don't come across as a total mentalist but it would be interesting to see if anyone could identify !
This is a glimpse inside my mind chatter from this morning. Lets call the two bits of my brain chatting AB ( anxious brain ) and RB ( rational brain )
To set the scene : I drove my six year old to school and made my way into the school hall to watch her class assembly
AB : Shit - should have got here earlier . Now I have to step through seated children to get to the chairs at the back. What if I tread on a kid
RB : Shut up and walk
** I find a seat and assembly starts **
AB : What if I faint ?
RB : Why would you faint - you haven't fainted in 12 years . Why would you faint. Oh just shut up
AB : Look I'm just saying , if I did faint ... then I would really frighten E ( daughter )
RB : Oh for F's sake ... you're not going to faint ..... shut up and watch the assembly
** watch for a bit **
AB : Gosh I feel really hot
RB : Shut up - don't even start with the " what if I get so hot I pass out " rubbish. Watch the assembly
** watch for a bit **
AB : Okay I'm just saying I'm going to stretch out my feet so they're not so hot and If I did faint then I could maybe faint quitely on that bit of the floor there
RB : SHUT UP .
*** finish watching assembly **
AB : Maybe I should just go home after instead of shopping for the casserole stuff just incase I get all panicky in the shop
RB : Shut up - I don't care if you get panicky in the shop - it wont kill you - you're going now shhhhusssh
AB : Okay
** See little one quickly - tell her assembly was fab - go shopping and guess what - I'm fine **
I'm obviously not chatting like that to myself all the time but thats a fairly example of when my irrational anxious and panicky side comes out
I'm so glad I can joke about it now - it makes ALL the difference
Happy thanksgiving to all my US online peeps - enjoy that turkey
My mind chatter consists of "why don't they see it MY way!" LOL
ReplyDeleteAndrew has a good therapist (when he goes) and she asked him what he worried about that week. Then they went through one by one and she showed him none of those things happened. That strategy would really help him if he used it consistently.
You are willing to work on yourself. Unless a person is pro active about anxiety they are not going to get better. I guess that goes for most things.
Hope you have a good Holiday!
OMG! That is exactly how I was when I was drinking. I never fainted but I was always afraid I might so I'd have a glass of wine or two to quiet that "voice". Like you, I finally had to say, "If I faint, so be it." Things are better now but I still get those thoughts sometimes, I just can't let that train of thoughts gain steam. Happy, Peaceful Thanksgiving to You!
ReplyDeleteLOL! I love this post!!!
ReplyDeleteGreat minds think alike, I'm sorry to say! HA! ;-)
Love your post. So true... and yes, funny!
ReplyDeleteMy mind works like this too, but after YEEEEEAAAARRRS of therapy, I am TRYING (and finding it is actually happening!) to be nicer to my AB. So more & more, my RB is kinder and says things like "You are really afraid right now. That is scary." AB often calms down when RB is not beating it up so much!
Ha ha - my AB is like an out of control toddler and if I give it an inch it takes a mile. Maybe I'll need to work on the kindness thing :-)
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