My anxiety history ( part one )

By the time I hit the big 3-0 birthday in early 2008  b I think I was aware I needed to reel things in stress and alcohol wise as I remember that my presents to myself were a yoga mat , anti wrinkle cream and a vague promise to do a detox. I was running my own business and was drinking about a bottle and a half of vodka a week ( 40 units ) while I got on with paperwork and business bits  while my daughter ( then aged nearly 3 ) was in bed

I was stressed but not anxious if that makes any sense

Two years (summer 2009) ago we moved house to a rented house that quickly became the house from hell. Roof leaks which got into the electrics and made them dangerous and a landlord who refused to fix anything claiming he had financial problems
I was still drinking about 40 units week but the stress was starting to show and I was having the odd mild panic attack

In summer 2010 we moved again ( to my current house which I love !!) and I cut my drinking down to less than 20 units a week.

To my shock - anxiety hit me big time and for the first time in my life I knew the difference between anxiety and nerves.

I can remember I was sitting in the living room one day and suddenly felt this pit of dread for no reason in my stomach. It was a bit like some one wearing a glove made of ice had put their hand inside my stomach and was twisting. It was really frightening and I felt shaky and "off"

In a bizarre twist given I was drinking much less then I read a website discussing alcohol withdrawal and decided that I was indeed suffering alcohol withdrawal

With hindsight - no I most likely wasnt and if I was then it was more emotional from not having a few vodkas each day to sooth my frazzled nerves but I went through a good few months where I cut right down on drinking as I thought those moments of fear , shaking and hyperventilation were due to alcohol alone

After a couple of months of this and minimal alcohol I realised the situation was a  double edged sword in that the feelings were not alcohol withdrawal at all but they were anxiety and panic attacks and they werent going away so easily without me learning to manage life without my little vodka friend  to help me

To be continued